These Arms Are Snakes-Tail Swallower and Dove

OK, so WordPress’ system is not cooperating with me at this time, so I can’t indent any of this review at the beginning of each paragraph. I’m always going for consistency, but since this thing won’t register documents pasted exactly from Word, I’m changing my format a bit. Hopefully this minor rant will help matters along or something…

On their third full-length album, Seattle post-hardcore supergroup These Arms Are Snakes once again push the boundaries of what can fit under the seemingly infinite sub-genre in which they belong. The quartet has accumulated its share of (much deserved) good press, and its members’ résumés read like a who’s who of the Seattle scene’s icons, with bassist Brian Cook’s stint in metalcore legends Botch and Steve Snere having lent his trademark strained vocals to the sadly short lived Kill Sadie. And while the latter of those two acts is somehow connected to just about every Seattle indie musician like some freak Kevin Bacon experiment, it is TAAS who have proven to be the leaders in all that is loud, chaotic and oddly catchy in their hometown.

In keeping with a steady two-year album cycle, the guys have delivered yet another collection of pulsing, energetic songs that, while hinting at heaviness, comes across as danceable. Where Tail Swallower and Dove truly splits from its two predecessors is in its ability to balance rhythm and groove with the band’s instantly recognizable guitar histrionics. The youthful energy of Oxeneers or the Lion Sleeps When Its Antelope Go Home is still present in the push-pull riffing of album opener “Woolen Heirs” and the crushing chorus of “Red Line Season,” and Easter’s psychedelic soundscapes are sprinkled throughout “Seven Curtains” and most of the second half of the disc, but Tail Swallower and Dove brims with a sense of urgency and confidence not often seen in post-hardcore. Though there’s always been something different about TAAS, a certain attitude and reputation they’ve always maintained, especially live. If Death Cab for Cutie’s penchant for storytelling and pop hooks makes them the Beatles of the Seattle scene, and Minus the Bear’s trippy finger tapped guitar and willingness to play in anything but simple 4/4 makes them its Pink Floyd, then These Arms Are Snakes are the Rolling Stones, all sensuality and swagger; the kind of guys who would jump out of the window and dress in the driveway the morning after a show just to avoid any awkward conversation.

Tail Swallower and Dove doesn’t exactly surprise with its 10 (11 if you’re a Japanese fan) tracks of rhythmic, hip swinging rock. Who knows what we’ll here from these dudes next. If the synth intro to “Lucifer” and foreboding distorted bass of “Lead Beater” is any indication, it will once again be equal parts punishing and seductive.

Torche Live Review

Every heavy act in the country should breathe an equally heavy sigh of relief now that Torche are headlining bills. The Florida/Georgia quartet puts on such an explosive, energetic and above all, uplifting, show that any band following them might as well be cardboard cutouts. Half a year after their critically acclaimed breakthrough LP, Meanderthal, hit streets, Torche have finally climbed their way to the top of the ticket, and their flawlessly honed performance on November 1st at the Satyricon (aka, Portland’s CBGB) showed why.

The night kicked off with a set from quasi-retro rockers Clouds, whose chaotic stage presence belied the melodic riffs they boast on their debut full length, We Are Above You. The lanky foursome from Boston grooved and strutted to the hazy hard rock slithering from their Orange, Sunn and Emperor amps, leading the way for the next act, Coliseum. The Louisville, Ky. hardcore trio was definitely the black sheep of the night, and stood out with viciously quick D-beat drumming, gang vocals and fist pumping, crusty riffage in the vein of Portland legends Tragedy. During a lull between songs, guitarist/vocalist Ryan Patterson rebuked the crowd for its purportedly immoral antics the night before, claiming he had gone to church on All Hollow’s Eve instead of taking part in the traditional debauchery. He immediately retracted the comment, sarcastically quipping, “Punks don’t believe in God!” before tearing into another barrage of anti-everything anthems.

While punks may not believe in God, Torche fans kneel to the impossible to label outfit like they descended from rock Valhalla to establish the Church of the Almighty Riff. There’s just something about a Torche show that can force the most cold-hearted, stone-faced hesher to shake his moneymaker like a teenybopper at a Kelly Clarkson concert. Maybe it’s the band’s unique take on pop, metal, indie and just about every sub-genre of rock, or maybe it’s the way frontman Steve Brooks grins wildly as he scissor kicks his way through deadly infectious jams like “Grenades,” “Healer” and “Across the Shields.”

The most plausible theory, however, is that no matter who you are or what “scene” or ethos you subscribe to, there is some aspect of Torche’s sound that will grab you and never let go, as if one of their massive hooks somehow materialized and wrapped itself around your neck like a cushy noose hanging from the gallows of rock, with Brooks and Co. as the executioners. But you’ll never want them to pull the lever. Not when they rip through a set this encompassing. While they mainly focused on choice cuts from Meanderthal (i.e., just about every song), tracks from 2006’s In Return EP and their debut self-titled disc were strategically sprinkled around the all too short hour and 15 minute volley. The guys even cranked up the doom and encouraged the crowd to follow the smoke (machine) to the hook filled land as they plodded through a string of covers from Brooks and co-guitarist Juan Montoya’s old band, Floor.

The night ended with “Charge of the Brown Recluse,” the epic opening track from their 2005 debut. “War is beautiful,” chanted Brooks through the faux fog as his band’s subterranean frequencies shook the venue to its very foundation, threatening to collapse the only pillar holding up the sagging ceiling that separated us from the harsh Oregon elements. War may be beautiful, but it’ll have to take a backseat to the harmonic precision with which Torche approach modern rock. None of this bodes well for the Foo Fighters, who will be in a real pickle following such a killer set when the rest of musicdom gets off its collective ass and puts these dudes on an arena tour. Until then, those of us in the know will have to enjoy the thundering bliss in charmingly divey venues across the nation with 100 of our closest, sweatiest pals.

Interview with Torche Guitarist Juan Montoya

Torche are a tough band to pin down. The quartet could easily be categorized under rock, metal, pop, and anything in between. Personally, I’m just going with “awesome,” and a steadily growing fan base both in the underground and mainstream rock scenes seems to agree. The band’s growing popularity and workhorse-like touring regimen has lead to their first headlining tour, which stopped off on November 1st at the Satyricon in Portland. I sat down with guitarist Juan Montoya before the show on a seemingly dry evening to talk labels, costumes and being under the influence (in both uses of the phrase).

The rest of Torche is:
Steve Brooks: Guitars/vocals
Jon Nunez: Bass
Rick Smith: Drums

Crave: First off, congratulations on Meanderthal. It’s been getting a ton of press and personally, it’s my favorite album of the year by far.

Juan: Thanks man. Yeah, we just went in there to do it and got it done. We were a little worried because we came in with seven songs and we came out with 13. And Kurt Ballou [guitarist for Converge and owner of Godcity Studios in Salem, Mass.] produced and helped us out a little bit on the parts that we were a little rough on and it flowed. I guess it was from doing all the traveling that we’ve been doing and we tightened up as a group. We got sick of each other in the van, but it’s a gift to be able to work with people at that level.

C: Yeah. And speaking of press, you’ve obviously been compared to lots of heavy acts, but I’ve also read comparisons to everything from Pearl Jam to Foo Fighters to U2. It’s been a pretty broad range of comparisons as Meanderthal has been getting out there more. Do you feel like those wider influences are applicable to your style?

J: Yeah, I mean, we’re a fan of all types of music. It’s definitely heavy music, so people tend to put in the heavy metal group, but I think it has elements of all of our influences, but it’s spread out very subtly. We make sure that the songs are important and don’t have too much doodling around. We make sure it hits you like a punch and that’s why we write a lot of two minute songs and that’s kind of that Ramones, Guided by Voices influence. But then we also have a lot of psychedelic songs that are a little bit longer, so that’s the Pink Floyd and the Sabbath influence. And there are a lot of the British groups that we loved growing up like My Bloody Valentine and there’s a strong Sonic Youth influence so there’s a couple songs that sound like them and people totally get it, but we still have our own style. Steve’s voice is a little bit unique compared to a lot of the screaming that people use in music, so I think he’s doing well. He’s a little more confident with his singing so the songs actually cut a little nicer. And the album came out in April and we’ve been non-stop on the touring so it’s paying off. We’re all pretty proud of it.

C: Well it’s definitely something to be proud of. Now, this is your first big headlining tour. How has it been different from previous tours in terms of set length or in the feel of the overall tour?

J: We definitely get to do a lot more songs, which is cool. We can do a lot of songs that people have been asking for, which is great, too. The only is that we gotta leave the club last! (Laughs) When we just want to get to a party or something, we have like a good hour of loading up and that’s like the primetime of the party. So you sacrifice a little bit but you have a great show and then you have to get to work right afterward.

C: On that note, are there any crazy tour stories yet, or are you guys pretty low key?

J: Oh, well last night, Halloween, was pretty funny. We went to a costume shop during the day and we found this really funny blonde wig. It was a “valley girl” wig, and Steve put it on and as soon as he put it on, I was like, “Damn, dude, that’s it, you got the costume for tonight. You’re Dog the Bounty Hunter!”

C: He had the mullet going on and everything?

J: Yeah, it was awesome. He had the jersey girl pompadour with the dried out blonde hair and he put braids on it and of course we gave him really bad tattoos and he bought these really cheesy Oakley shades and he wore a sleeveless shirt and I did a dreamcatcher tattoo on him. We tried to research what tattoos Dog has, but in all the pictures you can tell he has these old, worn out, run-down tattoos, so I drew a wolf and a deamcatcher and it came out cool. He came out on stage and everything.

C: He played like that?

J: Yeah, man! And our drummer shaved his head and he did a weird fu Manchu goatee and then I walked upstairs and I saw him with sunglasses on and he had all the G.G. Allen tattoos on and underwear and he was G.G. Allen for Halloween. It was perfect man, it was so cool.

C: You guys go all out! Did you do anything?

J: Yeah, I wore my lucha libre mask. I have a friend in Los Angeles and he always collects these masks and he ends up giving me a couple for gifts every time I see him, so I wore this really cool one and some weird leopard pants I found at a thrift store, all tight and stuff. So I looked like a clown. I never play with my shirt off ‘cause I have a beer gut and stuff, so I played with a shirt off because I was this fat wrestler. I haven’t played with my shirt off since I was in junior high. That’s too Chili Peppers for me, man!

C: Yeah, a little bit too alt rock. So in this tour have you seen any change in crowds? Because you guys started out as Floor and then you went into Torche, and it seems like you guys have been getting some more attention and kind of getting bigger.

J: Yeah, the crowds are a little more spread out. There are definitely a lot more girls going to show, which is cool. They always bring the party! Lots of different ethnicities, too, which is super cool by me. I want to meet as many people as I can from all over the world, and for people to gather is a great thing. It’s pretty harmonious. People get along pretty well. We don’t really see any fights at our shows. It’s a good time and people are just getting along. It’s just the whole building shaking, and it’s kind of chaotic, but people are having fun. It just has this weird dynamic to it.

C: You guys definitely seem a lot more positive and upbeat than a lot of the other heavy bands you’ve been put in with. Is there anything that influences that?

J: Well Steve used to write a lot of angry songs growing up. Like a normal teenager, he had issues with his personality and he just thought, “I don’t want to write any more depressing songs anymore. I want to write something a little more uplifting.” And of course, if you go to a show, you want to rage. And it’s cool to get into really mellow stuff, and everything like that, but some of that stuff sounds better in a different atmosphere than at a club. Maybe at home, if you’re having a backyard party and everyone’s playing bongos or something. (Laughs) Maybe for that, but for a show like this, there’s just so much shit going in the world that you need to break away and find something a little more uplifting, something more…I don’t want to say spiritual, but something that makes you feel real good, like a good escape for a little while. And that’s what we’re trying to do with the music: make it interesting, make sure it cuts through and just make sure that everyone leaves feeling better.

C: Yeah, sort of feeling energized. Now you guys have toured with some of the most respected names in heavy music. There was Boris on your last tour and Isis and Jesu in the past.

J: We’ve been very lucky. A lot of these bands ask us and most of the music industry is like, “So and so from a label wants you to tour with this band because they have a new record coming out on, you know, Disney Records or whatever.” It’s totally different in our scene. These are bands who are into each other, and we’ve been lucky with some of the bigger bands that we admire. Some of our heroes are asking us to travel. Like with Justin Broadrick [legendary frontman of Jesu, previously of Napalm Death and Godflesh, among others]. That was just a gift. I’ve been into his music since I was like 18 years old and now I finally get to meet him and he’s super cool. And he’s not like a prick or anything. He’s just a really cool, humble dude and he’s a genius. And Boris turned out to be a great bunch. They’re a really cool, solid family and they’re just the most intense live band. And the Mogwai guys. We toured with them, and they’re just the kings of what they do because they’ve been around for awhile. It’s a pretty strange lifestyle. You’re living out of your suitcase and your body is getting used to being in a different temperature from the day before and one day it’s freezing and the next it’s hot. And it’s all for the sake of playing for a good hour and having that good moment. But these bands have been doing it for so long and they give us good advice and that’s why we’ve been able to do so well on these tours. The important thing is just getting along with each other and respecting each other’s space even though everyone farts in the van and stuff. (Laughs) But it’s a cool thing and you just have to get along. And there are so many bands out there right now, but it’s a challenge to get along with everyone. It’s a weird relationship, almost like a marriage. You’re spending more time with these people than you are with your family or your wife or your significant other and it’s pretty intense. You have to be around people all the time and there are moments where you just want to be on your own. But on our level, we’re still traveling in a small van and still staying with friends and it’s a whole different thing. Talking to these other bands is an inspiration because they help us out and we watch them do this incredible thing live and it’s really cool.

C: For a hard touring band like you guys, what’s your dream tour with any of the bands you haven’t toured with yet?

J: Well, something that’s coming up is a big dream for me is All Tomorrow’s Parties and Nightmare Before Christmas on December 5-7. The Melvins and Mike Patton are curating it. And the Melvins asked Isis, Mastodon, Monotonix, the Damned, the Butthole Surfers, Os Mutantes, the Brazilian psychedelic group from the 60s, Squarepusher and all these amazing bands. Fantômas is doing The Director’s Cut. And that’s a pretty big deal. I grew up listening to Melvins and I saw them during the Bullhead tour in Miami Beach and there were only like 10 or 20 people there and Steve, he was one of the people who was at that show, so we met early on and we’ve been friends since like ’91, ’92 and I’ve been a good friend of his but I’m also a big fan of all the music he does. And years down the line we’re playing together and we’re getting to see a good portion of the world. And because of that friendship, now we’re playing with the Melvins in the UK, on the other side of the world. So that’s a dream show, but I’d also love to collaborate with Aphex Twin. Richard D. James is just amazing and he’s one of the heavy hitters out there and he just makes beautiful music. And he does stuff besides electronica that’s a little stranger. Like with the Drukqs album he recorded the inside of a piano and tweaked it out. And he’s done his dance music, but he’s also done incredible, harmonic, great melodies. Just beautiful, amazing compositions. He’s a beast when it comes to that. I hear stuff that…there’s just something going on his head.

C: He is a pretty prolific guy, and you guys are, as well. You’ve been around since 2005 and you’ve done two full lengths and an EP already and that’s pretty impressive in three years.

J: Well the music is…I don’t really want to say it’s simple, but it’s very standard rock and roll if you strip it down. A couple riffs, a good melody on top and a solo here and there. But we try to be a little more creative with it. But once we start writing a song, we pretty much know within the first 10 seconds if it’s going to be a good song or not. So we try not to throw these unimportant parts into songs and we just want to make sure the songs are where they’re supposed to be. So one day we’ll dish out like four or five songs. I guess that’s the advantage to all this traveling.

C: On that note, this may be a bit early to ask, but do you guys have any new material in the works?

J: Yeah, we actually recorded two new songs before we left on the Pelican tour for Europe, so it’s going to be a 12” with “Healer” and “Across the Shields” and I think it might come with a DVD. I’m not sure on that yet, but it gonna have two new songs and they sound pretty cool.

C: Are they more along the line of the Meanderthal stuff?

J: Actually one of them reminds me of the older Flaming Lips songs. There’s this cool, weird effect that I use. It’s this phaser on high speed and I’m doing this run that sounds almost like Japanese music and it’s pretty uplifting. I’m digging it so far.

C: Is that kind of the direction you guys are headed?

J: We’ll try anything as long as it keeps our interest and as long as it’s a good challenge. So I can’t tell where the music is going but I just want to make sure that it’s good.

C: Well ever since the release of Meanderthal, there’s been some buzz among the music media and some rumors about you guys maybe getting some major label attention. Are you at liberty to talk about that?

J: Yeah, well…oh, shit, it’s starting to rain!

(At this point, the suspiciously clear sky went from bone dry to a downpour of biblical proportions. Juan and I, along with a hapless group walking across the street to the Satyricon, begin to run under what appears to an awning jutting from the building neighboring the venue. Unfortunately, the awning turns to simply be a few beams with no real material in between them, so we are drenched by the time we make a beeline for the doorway of the bar section of the Satyricon. We continue our interview there.)

C: That’s Oregon for you!

J: (Laughs) Yeah, people have been coming to knock, sort of cruising around the neighborhood, but we’re happy with where we are. We want to make sure it’s just steps. We’ve had friends who have had tragedies when it comes to major labels, and now it’s just a whole different world. You’re pretty much just forced to be a live band.

C: Hydra Head is a great label. How did the deal with them come about?

J: Actually, Andy Low from Robotic Empire [Torche’s label before they signed to Hydra Head] is good friends with Mark Thompson and Aaron Turner who run Hydra Head. He actually based Robotic Empire after Hydra Head and it was a big inspiration for him. They talked and he felt that the whole thing was going in a whole new direction and he felt that Hydra Head was going to be a strong label for us and it has been so far so good. Some major labels will sign like 10 bands and pay attention to one. From Mariah Carey or Amy Whinehouse or something like that and they leave other people unattended, so that kinda sucks.

C: I’ve heard really good things about Hydra Head, like with Xasthur. I’ve read interviews with him and he said that it’s a label who actually respects its artists. But Meanderthal is a little different from the usual stuff that comes out on it.

J: Yeah, they’re taking a risk signing a band like us because they’re known for the more experimental acts and the heavier music, and we have elements of that, but we’re also a simple rock band. It’s been a cool ride so far.

C: Well, I think that’s it. Thanks for your time and have a good show.

J: Thanks man!

Scar Symmetry-Holographic Universe

Progressive melodic death metal. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? If images of Dream Theater holding hands with Gothenburg’s finest are floating happily through your conscious, you’re not far off. But it’s more complex than that. You see, barring the band’s Swedish origins, Scar Symmetry aren’t your everyday melodeath band. Sure, the requisite In Flames/At the Gates/Dark Tranquillity comparisons hold true in overall sound, but that’s inescapable (not to mention superficial), and no fault of Scar Symmetry’s.

Where our subjects here separate themselves from rest of their ilk is in actual songwriting; as in, they compose pieces that are possible to tell apart upon even the second listen. Each of the tracks stick to Scar Symmetry’s distinct, yet unique, blend of traditional Swedish melodic death metal, solos straight from John Petrucci’s songbook and a dynamic performance from former frontman Christian Älvestam, who unfortunately quit the band in mid-September.

Consequently, the main contribution to Scar Symmetry’s unique sound is the band’s refusal to hide its countrymen’s influences. Mathy Meshuggah breakdowns lead “Timewave Zero” and “Fear Catalyst” to satisfying conclusions, “Ghost Prototype I – Measurement of Thought” and “Prism and Gate” bear more than a passing resemblance to Arch Enemy’s Amott brothers in riffing style and the lengthy, Opethian title track is the band’s most progressive composition to date. But perhaps the artist with the largest impact on Scar Symmetry’s sound is prog/folk metal master Vintersorg, whose clean baritone delivery and cosmically themed lyrics have made their way into every track on Holographic Universe.

Though Scar Symmetry are a good decade younger than their forefathers and have only released three albums in their five year existence, the now-quartet’s youth allows them to approach their chosen subgenre from a new angle, and makes them the most creative purveyor of the sound in ages.

Opeth-Watershed

It all started in the latter half of my high school years when my musical partner in crime, Josh, told me about this Swedish band that mixed death metal with acoustic guitars and clean singing. Naturally, I was curious, but for some reason I didn’t fully appreciate the sound at the time. Even though I didn’t worship the quintet and their obscenely talented frontman, Mikael Åkerfeldt, back then like I do know, some of my favorite memories to this day involve ditching rugby practice with Josh and cruising the mean streets of Sacramento blaring Still Life on his massive car stereo.

Thankfully, my tastes have matured a bit since then, and I finally got into the five Swedes’ music a few months after their last LP, Ghost Reveries, hit. It was only nine months after that album’s release, however, that percussion master Martin Lopez left the band for medical reasons. After a brief stint with drummer-for-hire Gene Hoglan, Åkerfeldt drafted Martin Axenrot, his bandmate in Swedish old school death metal revivalists Bloodbath. Almost exactly a year after this lineup change longtime guitarist Peter Lindgren departed unexpectedly. Now, with half his rhythm section and his six string soul mate gone, Åkerfeldt had a tall order in crafting an album that lived up to the standards of his band’s eight much lauded outings.

For these reasons, the chances Åkerfeldt and his newly minted crew take on Watershed are that much more shocking. Sure, the band’s signature brutality to balladry transitions are still here, but somehow said switches are both smoother and more jarring. Leadoff single “Porcelain Heart” displays this perfectly, as Axenrot blasts away harder than Lopez ever did while new guitarist Fredrik Åkesson tests his meddle and leads the track through stop start death metal riffs.

As with any Opeth album, half the fun of Watershed is following the songs’ trajectories. “The Lotus Eater” goes from whimper to bang as a faint sigh is shattered by the thickest riffing the band has laid down in years. Meanwhile, Mike’s trademark sunshine/brimstone vocals clash for the spotlight until the halfway mark when the track breaks down with an ambient interlude that eventually leads into a boogie rock breakdown complete with organ solo, jazz drumming and wah-wah guitar in the background.

It is these bold decisions that vault Watershed above the expected “testing the waters” phase for this new lineup. The production is as pristine as ever where it’s needed, such as on intro track “Coil.” Complete with oboe and ethereal female vocals to compliment Mikael’s gorgeous pipes, it’s probably the prettiest song Opeth has ever recorded. As for the rest of the album, the clean parts are cleaner (“Burden” is the first through and through ballad the guys have written since “To Bid You Farewell”) and the brutal parts are heavier than anything we’ve heard from Mike and Co. in a decade (see: Meshuggah-esque chugga-chuggas in “Heir Apparent”), making this a forceful push forward to the next phase in the band’s sound rather than the pensive guinea pig experiment many predicted.

Quantum Mystic: Mike Scheidt’s Path to Heaviness

There’s no mistaking Mike Scheidt for anything other than a metal musician among the clean-cut college kids and happily chatting families at the Glenwood Café in Eugene, Ore. The former frontman for now legendary doom metal band YOB, and current guitarist/vocalist for his new band, Middian, strolls into the place wearing a black short sleeved Carhartt vest covering a T-shirt sporting the illegible logo of an unknown metal act. Equally black tribal earrings dangle from each of his ears. His half inch long buzz cut barely covers his scalp; a stark contrast to the shoulder blade length hair he wore in YOB’s heyday, and the round, thin glasses he had perched on his nose back then have been replaced with a stylish black thick-rimmed number. His arms are covered in tattoos down to his elbows and with each step of his pointed leather cowboy boots he exudes a calming humbleness that belies the fact that the guy practically put Eugene on the map for fans of heavy music.

While sipping a tall latte with his bagel and cream cheese, he explains how he became enamored with music in his teens and how that love inspired him to eventually pick up his first instrument, the guitar, and get involved with the art he was so passionate about. As he delicately spreads the eatery’s house jam on his toasted breakfast of choice, Scheidt volunteers that “it wasn’t so much any one band” that got him started on his path to heaviness but “an environment; everything from metal, to punk and good old rock and roll.”

As for traditional lessons to learn his instrument, Scheidt says, “I took them, but I wasn’t a very good student. I would come back the next week and already have a bastardized version of what they had taught me.” He did, however, warm up to his lessons with Bill Harkleroad, guitarist and flautist on Captain Beefheart’s seminal 1969 LP, Trout Mask Replica (on which he was credited as Zoot Horn Rollo).

His first band was a crossover thrash band called Chemikill with Scheidt playing bass while he honed his guitar skills on the side. “Our guitarist was mostly a hardcore kid, and I was getting into death metal at the time when it finally hit Oregon,” Scheidt offers. “But I kept trying to get him into more metal and he finally got it. After Chemikill broke up he formed a death metal band and he started jamming Morbid Angel covers. That’s some tough stuff to play, too,” he says with a chuckle.

Scheidt played in a few other bands in the Eugene scene on and off until 1996, when he formed YOB as a one man doom project. It wasn’t until 1999 that he had a (semi)solidified lineup in bassist Lowell Iles and drummer Greg Ocon, and after a few rehearsals, the newly minted trio entered Dogwood Studios in Eugene to record their first demo. By 2000, the tape had made it to stonerrock.com, which promptly put YOB at the center of its radar. Ocon left the band and was temporarily replaced by Gabe Morley, who recorded YOB’s full length debut, Elaborations of Carbon, with Scheidt and Iles.

After yet another personnel change, with Isamu Sato now playing bass and Travis Foster on drums, the band dropped their sophomore effort, Catharsis. The LP not only garnered critical acclaim, but it also caught the eye of several label executives, the biggest of which being Brian Slagel, CEO of the legendary, now quarter-century-old Metal Blade Records. For a quick rundown of just how important Metal Blade has been in metal’s history, Slagel not only signed current institutions such as Slayer and Cannibal Corpse when they were just budding acts, but he was also the one who gave a young drummer known as Lars Ulrich a break back in ’82. Ulrich recruited guitarists James Hetfield and Dave Mustaine, and the band would soon record their fist song under the name Metallica. Given the label’s reputation, Scheidt was “amazed” that Slagel contacted him, as he was looking to sign to smaller, more obscure label. “I couldn’t resist, though,” he says. “When Metal Blade is interested in you, you don’t turn that down!” he offers emphatically, adding, “We were also kind of disappointed with Abstractsounds’ distribution of Catharsis.”

Metal Blade released The Illusion of Motion in 2004 and, with what would prove to be a solid lineup, YOB soon embarked on their first big national tour. The most memorable show for Scheidt on this outing was at a venue in New York City called The Pyramid Club. The place had two floors; a ground floor, where “some hip hop show was going on,” and a basement where YOB and numerous other bands in the doom metal scene were gathered to play a show. The other domestic heavy acts in attendance were Dove, Solace, and Brooklyn doomsters Unearthly Trance. YOB was about to take the stage and Scheidt (without the luxury of a guitar tech) was hauling one of his massive guitar cabinets through the crowd. “I ran into a very large, very drunk New Yorker who almost swung at me right then and there,” he says. Thankfully, Scheidt talked the man down, but, he offers, “I was pretty frightened at that moment, knowing I was so far away from home and was kind of out of my element on a completely different coast. When we got back to Eugene from that tour, I decided I needed to learn some form of self-defense.”

Scheidt heard about the Junction City martial arts studio, Complete Combat Systems, and the primary form of self-defense taught at the center, Krav Maga, from a tattoo artist in Eugene. In late 2004, he entered training at the facility and in the spring of 2005, Scheidt began to pursue an instructorship in Krav Maga. He then went through the first two phases of the three phase sequence to become a full-time instructor, and is preparing to attend the last phase in Maryland in July. “It’s really intense,” he says. “They break you down and then completely build you back up. It doesn’t pay the bills by a long shot, but it will help.”

To supplement his income, Scheidt has worked at various stores around Eugene, including McKenzie River Music and CD World. He also plans to start work at the Willamette location of the Smith Family Bookstore sometime this year. “They’re expanding and they need tons of database stuff done, and I need work, so I figure I can help out with that and make some money,” he says. “It’s hard, because the job market is tough in Eugene, but I could never become a huge touring musician like so many of those guys out there,” laments Scheidt. “When YOB started getting bigger, we could have gone on longer tours and brought in more cash. But then, how would I justify that to my kids when I came home after five months of touring? I mean, I could bring in plenty of money in that time, but I’d feel awful for missing out on so much of their lives.” Instead, Scheidt prefers to “go on short tours, and not stay so far away from home.”

The longer tours grew even longer after anticipation built for what would become YOB’s last album, The Unreal Never Lived. “We just weren’t that kind of band, and we couldn’t meet those demands,” says Scheidt. Sato and Foster left the band in July of 2005, a month before The Unreal Never Lived was released. On January 10, 2006, Scheidt announced that YOB was officially broken up, but that he had started work on a new project. Scheidt drafted bassist Will Landsay and drummer Scott Headrick for what would come to be known as Middian. The trio played their first official show opening for Isis at the WOW Hall that April under the name Age. “That show and the dozen or so after it were premature,” offers Scheidt. “We had only played together a few times and we just wanted to get out there and have some fun. It became our fast track to maturity, though.”

The band signed with YOB’s old label, Metal Blade, and quickly recorded their 2007 debut, Age Eternal. “We did it over a three day weekend, because we already had everything composed,” says Scheidt. After Age Eternal’s spring release, Middian embarked on few small tours, but never toured Europe, despite a growing demand for a visit. “Metal Blade just didn’t give us the press we needed over there, but we know people wanted us to play,” offers Mike. “We might even have been more popular in Europe than we were in America. For every one interview we would have in America, we would do five in Europe.”

Their growing popularity caught the eye of a little known band from Milwaukee, Wisconsin by the name of Midian (with one “d”). In October of 2007, Scheidt received a cease and desist demand from Midian, resulting in Middian being dropped from Metal Blade and, initially, being forced to change their name and stop the sale of Age Eternal. Scheidt decided to comply with the demands because he and the band hardly had any money to fight the band. Midian of Milwaukee pressed on, however, and demanded large sums of money from Scheidt and Co., who, after deciding they had nothing left to lose, hired an able attorney out of Chicago to help them fight the case in court. To help the trio pay for the costs of contesting Midian, Scheidt set up the Middian Defense Fund and asked fans of the band for donations.

Though technically Middian’s usage with Midian of Milwaukee’s non-usage of the name granted Middian the full rights to the name, Midian would not back down. But things do seem to be looking up for Scheidt and his band. “We got delineation from the State of Oregon to still play shows and use our name while the trials are set,” he says. “And the attorney we got to fight the case says he can not only do it at a reasonable price, but that we are pretty much guaranteed to win because Midian really have no rights to their name anymore.”

As for their current status as an unsigned band, Scheidt offers, “It was a blessing and a curse when we were dropped from Metal Blade. We weren’t pushing the numbers a big label like that needed anyway, and it was a ton of pressure to be there among those bigger acts. We don’t owe them anything because they dropped us, so we’re financially sound from that, too.” He pauses for a sip of coffee, then continues, “We aren’t really worried about where we’ll end up. We hate politics, and we just want to play with our friends and have fun. Sure, bigger labels can get you places you can’t get to by yourself, but many act like loan sharks in a way. Like, for a fee, they can promote you and release your work, but you kind of sign your life away. A copyright for our music is a lot to give up for $3,000. ”

For the first time in the interview, I chime in and make a suggestion: “What about Rise Above [Records, a label owned by Cathedral frontman Lee Dorrian]?” “Oh yeah,” Scheidt responds, “we’ve thought about that one. We’re good friends with those guys and most of the doom scene in Europe.” As The Four Tops’ Motown hit “Sugar Pied Honeybunch” plays over the ceiling speakers in the Glenwood, Scheidt proceeds to rattle off a list of heavy bands foreign and domestic, each influential in their own right. His reverence for and familiarity with doom acts like Electric Wizard, The Hidden Hand and Orange Goblin mirrors most American males’ attitudes towards their favorite sports teams.

However, Scheidt also differs himself from many of the acts he’s played with over the years. “It seems that so many bands today think they have to act like jerks to seem like rock stars, but we’ve never wanted to be like that,” he says. “But then you have guys like Tool, who you would think would be total rock stars, but they don’t act like it at all. At one of our first shows in L.A., we played in a basement somewhere for like 30 people, and [Tool drummer] Danny Carey was in the crowd. I was so surprised when I saw him, and we talked for a bit. I guess the guys in Tool were huge fans of YOB. We hung out with him and he put us up in his mansion the couple times we played down in L.A., so there are still guys out there like him.”

A week and a half after the interview, I’m in Carey’s position, standing in the WOW Hall, waiting for Scheidt and Co. to take the stage for my first Middian live experience. About ten minutes after the guys are supposed to go on, I am informed that they were forced to cancel because Scheidt pinched a nerve in his back practicing Krav Maga. Though I am disappointed at the cancellation, I quickly realize this reflects exactly what Scheidt meant with his rejection of the rock star attitude. So many bigger musicians don’t have day jobs because they make enough money playing music and touring, but Scheidt and his bandmates still work everyday when they’re not playing music, and for Scheidt, this means running the risk of injury. Like he does with his music, Scheidt puts everything he has into his training, working as hard as he can to complete the third phase and become an official instructor at Complete Combat Systems. And if the determination he has committed to his music is any indication, he’ll make it.

Mike Scheidt chases his passions, and nothing – from labels demanding more sales, to greedy Milwaukeean bands and strained backs – will get in his way.

Arsis-We Are the Nightmare

Sweet horns of Satan…2008 hasn’t even hit the halfway mark yet and it’s already looking to be a golden year for death metal. Brain Drill hit us with their hyper-complex full length debut (and promptly broke up thereafter), Hate Eternal came back stronger than ever after the death of ex-bassist and close friend of frontman Erik Rutan, Jared Anderson, and Midwestern brutal death dealers Origin just released what is arguably the best album of their career in Antithesis. And now, amidst rumors of breakup, Virginian technical melodic DM prodigies Arsis have finally dropped their long awaited Nuclear Blast debut, We Are the Nightmare.

Melodeath fans be warned: While We Are the Nightmare retains some of the catchy riffing styles of Arsis’ much lauded back catalogue, this album is much more technical than either of the quartet’s full lengths or its celebrated EP. But when I say technical, I’m not talking in a wanky, Spiral Architect kind of way. No; while up-and-coming death metal guitar god James Malone does his fair share of noodling throughout the disc, Arsis now come across as some sort of Necrophagist/Carcass hybrid, as if Epitaph came out a decade earlier and Jeff Walker blasted it for nine months straight before sitting down to write Heartwork. Just check how the overstuffed fretwork on “Overthown” leads into the catchiest chorus Mr. Malone has ever put to disc. Or how about the seamless transition from tech to hook on the opening title track? Hell, the main riff on “Servants to the Night” could have easily cropped up on the imaginary sequel to Slaughter of the Soul.

Arsis’ trademark of melding blistering solos and leads with stick-to-your-ribs riffs is as present as it’s ever been on We Are the Nightmare, and while Malone and his revolving door of musicians go out on some of their longest limbs here, it only serves to make the choruses that much more bombastic. So, fans of metal, give this one a listen. You’ll come for the flawlessly executed tapping, sweeping and other assorted geekery, but you’ll stay for those tasty refrains.

Genre Collision at the Hawthorne

If you went back a decade, got an indie kid and a black metal dude together and told them that bands from their respective genres would one day play shows with each other in perfect harmony, you’d get two reactions: the indie kid would turn reclusive for weeks, listening to his vinyl copy of Joy Division’s Unknown Pleasures morning, noon and night in an attempt to expunge the idea from his fragile mind; the black metal fan, conversely, would grab his torch and set the nearest church ablaze in an effigy to the almighty Thor while crying till his corpsepaint ran. But on November 16, 2007 at the Hawthorne Theater in Portland, this unthinkable scenario took place.

And who was it who brought these two disparate genres together in the same venue? Why, it was L.A. experimental metal titans Isis, of course. Seeing as the quintet is my favorite band, and that they were playing a mere hour and a half drive form my apartment in Eugene, it was imperative I attend. A quick call to my buddy Sam a week before the date to secure a ride was all it took to ensure my presence at the gig, which was also the third night of the West Coast leg of the tour in celebration of Isis’ 10^th anniversary as a band. In other words, it was destined to be monumental.

The indie rock and black metal bands opening were 27 and Wolves in the Throne Room, respectively. The former hails from Isis’ original home of Boston, while the latter finally emerged from their farm deep in the woods of Olympia, Washington to bless the diverse audience with their hypnotic musical attack.

The scene that greeted Sam and me upon entrance to the venue was straight out of any sane music fan’s nightmare. Long-haired heshers sporting Burzum shirts stood side by side with mop-topped high schoolers, carabiners hanging from the buckles of their skinny jeans, the pants of which shrouded pairs of well-loved Chuck Taylors in a declaration of scene allegiance.

Perhaps more conspicuous than the audience were those involved with the bands. Due to the venue’s relatively small dimensions, the openers were forced to share a merch table, resulting in a curious situation. The first to set up at the empty table was none other than 27 frontwoman and owner of one of the prettiest voices in rock, Maria Christopher. As we discussed the tour and my complete infatuation with her singing (to which she humbly thanked me in her raspy Boston accent), Wolves in the Throne Room’s merch guy began setting up. The bearded monstrosity solemnly proceeded to drape a velvet cloth over his half of the table on which he lit three wax encrusted candles after surrounding their bases with a pair of deer antlers. As Ms. Christopher and I finished our conversation, I overheard Wolves’ guitarist/vocalist Richard Dahlen regaling mountain man with his tale about the wolf he killed and skinned to make the pelt he was wearing to keep himself warm on this particularly cold night in Portland. If that’s not metal, I don’t know what is.

It was around this time that Maria and company took the stage and opened the show with a torrent of blissful guitar lines, gorgeous keyboard atmospherics and, of course, soulful vocals. As they played through their set, more people filed into the cramped front section of the venue, as the gathering in the back half drank in both the sweet harmonies of 27 and the finest beer Portland had to offer. A great opening indeed.

By the time 27 finished their set and cleared the stage, the Hawthorne was crammed with everyone from the aforementioned scene kids and metalheads, to reporters frantically scribbling their thoughts on notepads, curious locals who just wanted to see live music, and members of the other bands present. Isis frontman Aaron Turner stood within spitting distance of Sam and me. Not that I would want to spit on the underground legend; I was instead restraining myself from approaching him and rambling on about how powerful and incredible his band is…again.

The room glowed ominously as Wolves in the Throne Room took the stage, sans a bassist. In the course of their half hour set (which translates to about three songs), the guys not only proved they “don’t need no stinkin’ low end,” but that they are deadly serious about their music. As they ripped through blast beat after uncompromising blast beat, a gang of intoxicated twenty-somethings jumped the barrier between the bar and the standing area in an attempt to start a pit. Arms flailed, fists were swung, and Aaron Turner frowned a spiteful frown. You see, Wolves aren’t your average black metal horde, and, in an effort to stop the moshing before it got out of hand, our buddy Richard stopped his shredding and screaming mid-song, pointed authoritatively at the bunch, and delivered his only cleanly spoken word of the evening: “stop.” When a 250 pound man wearing the fur of a wolf he skinned with his bare hands speaks, you’d better listen up.

It seemed to be a night of large, hairy men. Minutes after the moshers took their leave, a behemoth decked in an In Flames shirt, having noticed my own metal tee (Morbid Angel), turned to me and threw the horns in salutation. I hoisted my response, and his head banged to and fro from its lofty perch on the tree trunk he was passing off as a body, blond hair flying through the air in glistening swathes.

Wolves killed their set a few minutes later and the main event began. Isis plodded through an hour plus, career spanning set; their progressive doom metal deafening everyone in attendance. Buildings collapsed, the ground opened up, and we were sucked into the abyss that is the live Isis experience. Maria Christopher even joined the fray to lend her vocals to a particularly hypnotic song, her breathy croon colliding with Turner’s growls like a matter/antimatter annihilation.

With the set over, I hit up the merch table one last time to buy a limited edition tour poster, which I promptly covered with my sweatshirt in anticipation of the rain that surely awaited Sam and me after we exited the venue. In a stroke of luck, the air was dry, and we made it to the car without a single drop on my precious cargo. Ears ringing, we drove into the night, renewed by the aural bliss we had just taken in. It was, in a word, monumental.

21st Century Schizoid Prog

The 80s were hard for everyone, especially musicians. Among the many bands founded in the late 60s/early 70s, none were hit harder than the founders and leaders of the progressive (known by its followers as “prog”) rock movement. One by one, these bands succumbed to the musical trends and pressures present during the decade of acid washed jeans, cocaine and Reaganomics. Rush turned down the complex basslines and scattered (but always logical) drumming in favor of a new sound awash with synthesizer runs and simple rhythms. The theatricality and bombast present on such previous landmarks as 2112 and Moving Pictures was all but dead. Guitar legend and King Crimson leader Robert Fripp unearthed his band after a 7 year hiatus to write three albums that sounded nothing like the outfit’s 70s masterworks. Pink Floyd nearly imploded in on themselves after the departure of primary songwriter/bassist Roger Waters, releasing what is arguably their worst album, 1987’s A Momentary Lapse of Reason. Though these are just three of the bigger instances, the point is that, for the most part, progressive rock went the way of the Dodo for the latter part of the 20^th Century. But around the dawn of the new millennium, something happened: prog became cool again.

It all started when alternative rock band Tool began citing previously mentioned luminaries King Crimson as a major influence. While it took the L.A. quartet nearly a decade to find a sound, they reached the pinnacle of their sonic experimentation with 2001’s Lateralus. Critics took notice of the band’s new sound, and quickly re-categorized the band, choosing the term progressive metal as a suitable description of the style (though bands like Dream Theater and Queensrÿche had created the genre in the beginning of the 90s by fusing thrash metal with progressive stylings). To prove their utmost respect for Crimson, Tool went so far as organize a small, nine date tour with the British legends in tow.

It wasn’t long until other predominantly heavy bands began claiming progressive rock as a major player in their sound. Underground metal legends Neurosis began revealing their reverence for Floyd in their increasingly lengthy passages and quiet/loud dynamics, creating an entire sub-genre in the process, and birthing other bands that could bring the heavy while not regressing into the average “knuckle-dragging meatheads,” to quote Isis frontman Aaron Turner in an interview with the International Herald Tribune.

This period saw albums such as Isis’ Panopticon, Neurosis’ A Sun that Never Sets and Mastodon’s breakthrough 2004 full-length, Leviathan, a concept album based around Moby-Dick. These albums began to change the face of heavy music for the better, forcing the genre’s evolution from its simpler, mainstream friendly phase in the 90s to a style now wrought with musical prowess and forward thinking songwriting. The new progressive movement was now in full swing.

But what about the bands that weren’t claiming Sabbath, Maiden and Priest as influences alongside Floyd, Crimson and Rush? British proggers Porcupine Tree began as a solo project when guitarist/vocalist/producer Steve Wilson grew frustrated with the nonexistence of experimental music in the 90s. After 1995’s The Sky Moves Sideways, however, Wilson’s project had grown larger than he had anticipated and he drafted permanent musicians to play on the album’s follow up, Signify. Porcupine Tree came to be hailed as the Pink Floyd of the nineties by fans and critics alike, and by the new millennium the band had blossomed into an act almost as influential and popular as the band they vied to emulate.

Perhaps more popular than Porcupine Tree is Southern California-based prog act The Mars Volta. Formed after the dissolution of seminal post-hardcore band At the Drive-In, The Mars Volta began as De Facto, with current vocalist Cedric Bixler-Zavala on drums and guitarist Omar Rodriguez-Lopez playing bass. Increasingly influenced by progressive rock – and Bixler-Zavala and Rodriguez-Lopez’s frequent drug use – De Facto soon abandoned its dub reggae roots. With Rodriguez-Lopez’s switch to guitar and Bixler-Zavala changing to singing full time, the band rounded out their lineup and released the Tremulant EP as The Mars Volta in 2002. The next year, The Mars Volta released their debut on Universal Records, the sprawling, hour-long De-Loused in the Comatorium. This album saw Rodriguez-Lopez’s playing morphing into a hybrid of progressive rock phrasing a la Robert Fripp and jagged, often dissonant riffs reflecting the growing experimental metal movement in the underground. De-Loused has gone on to sell more than one million copies.

It is important to note that all of the new progressive bands discussed in this essay are still functioning, perhaps as a protest or challenge to their forefathers, whose constant lineup changes and tumultuous band relationships brought the end of what could have been existing legacies. Of the progressive rock progenitors of the 70s, Rush is the only one in working order, having recorded and toured with the same three musicians for more than 30 years and 18 albums. Such longevity and prolificacy is something most bands dream of. Whether the new school of progressive bands will last this long depends on the individuals’ own determination.

A Beginner’s Guide to Metal or: How to Fraternize with the Average Hesher

A quick note: This is a constantly expanding piece on my favorite genre of music. Though I am by no means an expert, I just thought I’d have some fun with this as a beginning exercise in (fairly bad) satire. OK, here goes…

Evolving from rock and the blues in the late 60’s/early 70’s, heavy metal began in England (more specifically, Birmingham for many bands) with the advent of pioneers such as Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Deep Purple. To cut this piece short of being an all encompassing history of heavy metal, the genre quickly spawned various sub-genres, all of which metalheads listen to in the quest to become the most knowledgeable and varied of their friends in the realm of all that is heavy. These are those sub-genres:

Heavy (or “traditional”) metal:

This is where it all began. The three aforementioned bands are good starting points, along with others such as Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. This sub-genre has an emphasis on twin guitar harmonies and solos, along with cleanly sung lyrics about fantastical tales (in the case of the closely related power metal style), historical events (mostly applied to Iron Maiden) or drugs (every band after Black Sabbath).

Here are a few guidelines and key points to make while discussing traditional metal:

Relating to Iron Maiden, make sure to stress that their earlier work was their best. Example: “Pre-Bruce Dickinson era Iron Maiden was alright, but they really shined when Nicko joined for Piece of Mind. The Number of the Beast? Yeah, it’s good, but Clive Burr’s drumming just can’t hold up.” Never, ever, speak positively about the Blaze Bailey years, or really anything after the 80’s. This will exclude you from any discussions about metal that may follow.

Black Sabbath are known as the true grandfathers of heavy metal. Do not incorrectly state that Led Zeppelin holds this title. They may be referred to as metal by some publications and critics, but they are dead wrong. Zep merely influenced metal; it was Sabbath who made it what it is today. And don’t say that Paranoid is your favorite album. Only noobs (or “n00bs” in nerd lexicon) say that. Go with the self titled instead, and make sure to emphasize the presence of the blues in Tony Iommi’s soloing and how heavy the production is. Oh, and make sure to drop the word “tritone” a few times. They’ll know what you mean.

Make sure to claim that you knew that Rob Halford (frontman for Judas Priest) was gay even before he came out. Also state that it doesn’t bother you in the least and that he actually sounds more badass now that he’s out of the closet.

Thrash metal:

Thrash metal began with the spawn of such bands as Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax and Megadeth, also known as the Big Four among metalheads. It is mostly agreed upon by metalheads as the next logical step after the inception and execution of traditional metal. Most of them ignore the fact that these bands were simply ripping off Diamond Head, but since metal has made a tradition of ripping off older bands, most fans let it slide.

Here are a few guidelines and key points to make while discussing thrash metal:

Old Metallica is much better than anything the band has put out since the 90’s. If you really want respect, mention that Cliff Burton was the best thing about them and that they lost your attention forever after he died (don’t mention you may have been born after 1986). Make sure to point out that Bob Rock destroyed Metallica’s career and that they “sold out majorly” with the Black Album. Never, under any circumstances, claim that the Load and Reload days were anything but utter crap. To really get metalheads going, bash on St. Anger and claim that it was a new low for them because they took out the solos.

German thrash is a dicey realm, as it is widely accepted as the best form of thrash among many so-called “true” metalheads, but can also be a tough subject to read up on. Make sure to do your homework if you dare mention the phrase. In a pinch, rattle off names like Kreator, Destruction and Sodom. If a metalhead decides to test your “mettle” and asks you your favorite German thrash album, Kreator’s Pleasure to Kill album is a solid name to drop.

Death metal:

Considered by some to be heaviest style of metal, death metal has been around in some form or another since the mid 80’s. Acceptable names to drop to prove you’re not a total wuss are Death (essential, more on them soon), Morbid Angel, Cannibal Corpse, Suffocation and Atheist. Though this is just scratching the surface, it will gain you more acceptance than blurting out a foolhardy phrase such as “oh yeah, death metal. I love Slipknot!” ever would. Do not say this. You will lose any knowledgeable metalhead’s respect forever.

Here are a few guidelines and key points to make while discussing death metal:

There is one major issue that picks at the skull of every fan of death metal: who started it in the first place? There are two camps: those who believe that Possessed began the genre by adding growls to the previously mentioned thrash metal genre, and those who believe that Death actually made the genre what it is and that – though they came around a fraction of a second later than Possessed – they actually created the real death metal sound. Relating to Death, make sure to emphasize that Chuck Schuldiner is the godfather (or granddaddy, or One True Creator) of death metal. You will earn an innumerable amount of respect from the metalheads to whom are speaking.

Be literate and knowledgeable on the vast amount of sub-sub-genres of death metal. You may think to yourself “isn’t death metal just death metal?” NO, it is not. Aside from straight death metal (which, coincidentally, hardly any band plays), there is brutal death metal, technical (or progressive death metal), grindcore (which evolved from punk and death metal, mainly in – you guess it! – Birmingham), melodic death metal (and Gothenburg melodic death metal, which makes it a sub-sub-sub-genre) and blackened death metal, just to name the more popular offshoots. For sake of sanity and space, these styles and their appropriate bands cannot be fully explored here, mostly for the simple fact that, like a Republican and a Democrat doing the no pants dance, no one can agree on what goes where.

A final note on death metal: the more blast beats a band uses, the more brutal (or br00tal) said band is. Don’t bother looking up the phrase. Just say it around a group of metalheads and watch them wet themselves with giddiness. On the subject of brutality, make sure to use the word liberally when speaking about death metal, especially if someone drop the name of a band and the others in the group grunt while saying “yeahhhhh, dude!” The louder the grunt, the more brutal the band in question is.

Black metal:

Here is a touchy subject for every metalhead. Black metal separates the men from the boys and, while death metal may be the heaviest of all metal sub-genres, black metal (at least “true” – or “trve/tr00” – black metal) is the least accessible variation on the deceivingly complex metal genre. It is mostly agreed that, like blast beats with death metal, the more obscure a band is, the better (or more “cult” or “kvlt” (seeing a pattern with the Roman letters?)) the band is. To put it succinctly, a band’s kvlt standing among metlaheads is inversely proportional to how many people have heard them. Now you would think, theoretically, that some lonely guy in his parents’ basement could form the kvltest mother-effing band on the planet if only he and his loving mother and father have heard his music. You would be right. Congratulations, you understand black metal!

Just in case the conversation goes deeper than you would like, here are a few guidelines and key points to make while discussing black metal:

Make sure to stress that Venom were only joking when they wrote Black Metal and that it wasn’t until a group of Norwegian teenagers took it seriously and started burning down churches and killing each other that the world finally took notice. And it was awesome.

Though you can completely make up a band and force everyone into pretending they’ve heard of it to hold onto their kvlt points, having some foundational knowledge of black metal is required for conversation about this sub-genre. Names such as Bathory, Immortal, Mayhem, Darkthrone and Burzum should dot your discourse with any metalhead worth his weight in salt. Should the subject of American black metal (USBM) come up, argue that, while Norwegian black metal conquered throughout the 90’s, American black metal takes a fresh look at the style. Make sure to say that it still needs time to evolve, but it does have some acceptable bands such as Leviathan, Xasthur (before they signed with Hydra Head) and Wolves in the Throne Room. These names should provide you sanctuary from most of the ever critical black metal fans.

Doom metal:

Here is one of the many grey areas of the genre. Though Black Sabbath technically invented doom metal (along with metal itself, as previously stated, which spawned doom metal, which was invented by Sabbath as well and…well, you can see the vicious circle we have here), it didn’t become its own genre until other bands began smoking tons of pot and playing guitars in the quest to get as heavy as possible.

Here are a few guidelines and key points to make while discussing doom metal:

Claim that Candlemass’ Epicus Doomicus Metallicus was and is the greatest doom album of all time. If any metalhead argues against this, they will be the ones ostracized from the group. Claiming this is like claiming Public Enemy’s Fear of a Black Planet is the best hip hop album ever made. It’s impossible to argue against, even if it may be wrong.

Make sure to emphasize how “slllooowww” a band is, even if you’ve never heard of them. Much like “brutal” and “kvlt,” a doom band’s worth is weighed by calculating how slow they are. If someone in the group should state that the particular band is, in fact, not that slow, quickly regain their trust by claiming that they “get into some good grooves now and then.” This is doom parlance for “they go above 50 BPM every once in awhile.”

And there you have it! This short guide should help you progress through most basic discussions about metal, though it is far from even being close to even kind of remotely complete. Among others, the following sub-genres may crop up in your discussions: metalcore, folk metal and progressive/power metal. If confronted with questions about these styles, shrug your shoulders and confidently say “yeah, (insert sub-genre here) is alright, but I dig the heavy stuff!”